Theory of "It Doesn't Matter What You Do" and Dating

Anyone who has been on more than a few dates has theories about dating. I personally find dating to be a diverting, amusing, and fulfilling past time and while I understand some people's aversion to it (see numerous horror stories), I think everyone should at least give it a shot rather than go relationship-hopping.

This is not some sort of primer on how to date or a diatribe on the virtues or pitfalls of dating. Instead, I'm going to focus on one narrow topic, that seems to cause great consternation to both men and women. The question of "when to call".

This topic has been countlessly debated, most notably in the movie Swingers. I seek to end all debate by simply declaring that it does not matter.

That's right. Unless you push into the extreme fringe areas of creepy stalker (which boys, is hard to pull off if she digs you) or completely forgotten, you'll most likely be fine.

Let's say you go out on a date on a Tuesday or Thursday, both very good first date nights. Let's look at some options, and I'll stick with Thursday as my day.

You could call her immediately after the date, on your way home. Some people would say this is pushing the line into too fast. But if you both had a really good time, and you keep the call short and sweet, and just say that you really enjoyed meeting her, you are golden. If she likes you. Now, let's say she didn't have as good a time. Well, you could call her now, five days, a month, she probably still didn't have a good time. In which case you're toast and it doesn't matter. You are also the creepy stalker guy who called right away. If you don't want the label to stick, you probably should not persist in calling her.

Ok, how about Friday, the day after the date? Pretty much the same thing as above. This isn't the time to have a small chat on the phone, you are still in the "thanks and nice to meet you phase."

Moving on to Saturday. Most people don't advise calling on Saturday, cause if she's home with nothing to do she'll think you think she's a loser and if she's out and about, you don't want to interrupt. Both are false. If she really is just lazing about and thinking of you, cause you had a great time, she'd love to hear from you, and you might even make a spontaneous date. If she's out, she'll either want to hear from you, pick up the phone and talk for a second, and then tell all her friends about the great dude she just met or she'll send you to voicemail cause she is either actually too busy to answer or she doesn't want to talk to you. Either way, the only thing that matters is if she wants to talk.

Onto Sunday. Late Sunday afternoon is my preferred time to call, mainly because most people are just hanging out on Sunday afternoon. We are now three days past the original date, which most people would say is the beginning of the window to call and express interest in another date. I agree. You don't want her to forget about you and you can only give her the gift of missing you for so long until she basically forgets about you.

Anytime after Sunday, and you're pushing into the "its been a while." I'm sure she's impressed at this point with your busy lifestyle and is dying to break into those few minutes you have available. Monday is a good day cause you can talk about your weekend, but it can be a bad day if she's grumpy that the weekend is over. But guess what, if she digs you, she'll be happy you called to make some light conversation about your diverting weekend. But if she doesn't like you, she'll be irritated that you are burdening her already tiring Monday. And so on and so forth, through the rest of the week.

This post is running long (I'm trying to capture Yaniv's distinctive succinctness), so I'll wrap up. The theory is that it doesn't really matter what you do to get a second date, cause if the girl digs you, you're set and if she doesn't, you could deposit the moon and the stars at her doorstep and it wouldn't make a difference. So rather than worrying about the exact right moment to call, just have fun on the date and she'll be dying to hear from you!