Theory of "It Doesn't Matter What You Do" and Dating

Anyone who has been on more than a few dates has theories about dating. I personally find dating to be a diverting, amusing, and fulfilling past time and while I understand some people's aversion to it (see numerous horror stories), I think everyone should at least give it a shot rather than go relationship-hopping.

This is not some sort of primer on how to date or a diatribe on the virtues or pitfalls of dating. Instead, I'm going to focus on one narrow topic, that seems to cause great consternation to both men and women. The question of "when to call".

This topic has been countlessly debated, most notably in the movie Swingers. I seek to end all debate by simply declaring that it does not matter.

That's right. Unless you push into the extreme fringe areas of creepy stalker (which boys, is hard to pull off if she digs you) or completely forgotten, you'll most likely be fine.

Let's say you go out on a date on a Tuesday or Thursday, both very good first date nights. Let's look at some options, and I'll stick with Thursday as my day.

You could call her immediately after the date, on your way home. Some people would say this is pushing the line into too fast. But if you both had a really good time, and you keep the call short and sweet, and just say that you really enjoyed meeting her, you are golden. If she likes you. Now, let's say she didn't have as good a time. Well, you could call her now, five days, a month, she probably still didn't have a good time. In which case you're toast and it doesn't matter. You are also the creepy stalker guy who called right away. If you don't want the label to stick, you probably should not persist in calling her.

Ok, how about Friday, the day after the date? Pretty much the same thing as above. This isn't the time to have a small chat on the phone, you are still in the "thanks and nice to meet you phase."

Moving on to Saturday. Most people don't advise calling on Saturday, cause if she's home with nothing to do she'll think you think she's a loser and if she's out and about, you don't want to interrupt. Both are false. If she really is just lazing about and thinking of you, cause you had a great time, she'd love to hear from you, and you might even make a spontaneous date. If she's out, she'll either want to hear from you, pick up the phone and talk for a second, and then tell all her friends about the great dude she just met or she'll send you to voicemail cause she is either actually too busy to answer or she doesn't want to talk to you. Either way, the only thing that matters is if she wants to talk.

Onto Sunday. Late Sunday afternoon is my preferred time to call, mainly because most people are just hanging out on Sunday afternoon. We are now three days past the original date, which most people would say is the beginning of the window to call and express interest in another date. I agree. You don't want her to forget about you and you can only give her the gift of missing you for so long until she basically forgets about you.

Anytime after Sunday, and you're pushing into the "its been a while." I'm sure she's impressed at this point with your busy lifestyle and is dying to break into those few minutes you have available. Monday is a good day cause you can talk about your weekend, but it can be a bad day if she's grumpy that the weekend is over. But guess what, if she digs you, she'll be happy you called to make some light conversation about your diverting weekend. But if she doesn't like you, she'll be irritated that you are burdening her already tiring Monday. And so on and so forth, through the rest of the week.

This post is running long (I'm trying to capture Yaniv's distinctive succinctness), so I'll wrap up. The theory is that it doesn't really matter what you do to get a second date, cause if the girl digs you, you're set and if she doesn't, you could deposit the moon and the stars at her doorstep and it wouldn't make a difference. So rather than worrying about the exact right moment to call, just have fun on the date and she'll be dying to hear from you!

three horrible proms part I

eric just had a prom at law school yesterday. a law school prom? proms in high school were harrowing enough. and yet there is such a thing as a law school prom. vassar had proms too. in the dining hall. i never went. basically i never wanted to go to one in high school either, but instead i have stories to tell you that will provide plenty of fodder for entertainment.

1st prom. i was a junior and one of my closest female friends, karoline, was dating my other friend zak. long story short, he cheated on her, she found out, i was caught in the middle and felt like crap since i introduced them etc, but i ended up going to her prom in lieu of zak (she is a year older than me, and now happily married too to an awesome architect in houston, little fyi.) anyway so we went to her prom. but she hated her school and hated all her classmates, so there we were, not really being social, and under this whole replacement-date kinda thing, we tried dancing a bit (and if you think i’m a bad dancer now, then you have no idea how many left feet i had at age 17), and it basically was bizarre. she had a limo all rented out, so after that we went to karoline’s comedy club in nyc (convenient name) and that was pretty funny, and took the limo all the way back up to chappaqua to her family’s house where she slept upstairs and i slept downstairs. i felt really bad and at times the evening may have been quite awkward, but in retrospect, it was probably the most successful prom i had, as i got to spend the evening with a wonderful friend and there were no major disasters like the following year...


this is us in karoline's parents' house. note the chuck close print of clinton in the far left. ironically the clintons moved in down the street a few years later. karoline looks really pretty.


this is us dancing on her lawn. much better than later that night

by popular request... tofu

Grand Opening! 3/22/06

Dear Everyone,

Yaniv and I cordially invite you to the grand opening of Yaniv and Eric: In The Car, an exciting new blog where you can catch your semi-weekly dose of our distinctive brand of humor, theorizing, and generally deep levels of philosophizing.

You can find our home on the web at:

http://yanivanderic.blogspot.com/

Remember to enjoy "Yaniv and Eric: In the Car" responsibly. Please do not read and drive.

Yaniv and Eric

72nd St

When Yaniv writes about meeting people on 72nd St, what he really means is that some dude whistled him as the dude drove by in his car, pulled over, waved Yaniv over, and made a pass at him. I think he said something about how he liked how Yaniv looked in his jeans. While the move was ballsy, and the compliment complimentary, he sadly went home empty handed.

These are the kinds of relationships that define you. We just want to make sure we are conveying an accurate story.

Relationships define you PART deux

You are defined by the people you are around. We create each other. The personality that you posess is a product of your genetic makeup as well as your surroundings, upbringings, relationships etc. BUT without other people there to perceive you, you are like the tree in the forest that doesn't make a noise when it falls. You are constantly created and re-created by the people you are with, whether that is a long-term relationship with a loved one or family member, or a glance from a passerby on the corner of broadway and 72nd street. Each moment in your life is integral in making you who you are, and what you are going to be.

THEORY II

The oft quoted, oft mis-quoted, oft referenced, cross-referenced, and wholy infamous yawning theory.

Ever notice how when you yawn, the person next to you yawns soon after? (see C& H "one of us should have left the room" for further reading) It isn't just you, this phenomenon has been well-documented and researched over the years that Eric and I have been around. At this point that is almost fifty years of combined human years we're talking about, so no laughing matter here.

Well now that you're most likely wondering what the hell the point is, I'd better get on with it. You know how when you're in an airplane and the pressure changes as the plane ascends or descends... well, how do you counteract this change? You pop your ears by yawning or flexing those jaw/cheek/ear/whatever muscles to simulate a yawn. They pop, you're happy and you can go on and enjoy the lack of legroom and processed air and stale food as you fly to your lovely destination of choice. Anyway, the point is that the yawning changes the pressure.

SO what happens when you're sitting around a room where sudden changes in pressure are few and far between, and someone yawns and you feel compelled to join in? Well see, they've just changed the pressure in the air directly surrounding them and you have to compensate for the difference by adding in your own yawn so you can adjust and reach that same pressure equilibrium that you were so clearly content with before the other person yawned.

Think about it.

Relationships define you

I was talking to Alli yesterday (Yaniv has been auditioning for a spot at Michigan's prestigious conducting school, so I needed to find other outlets) while making dinner (see a very good receipe below) and inevitably we fall on to the topic of relationships. I think this is because Alli and I share a similiar world view that practically the most important thing you can know about a person is what relationships they are in. And not only romantic ones. Family and friends are just as important, although I think we would both agree that romantic relationships tend to be the most visible. I'll avoid the distraction of justifying that, so take it as you will.

The most vivid example I can think of if you want to know if someone has had their heart broken. This tends to be a defining moment in one's romantic endeavors. On a side note, I was at this random little bar in Brooklyn called the Galapagos, to watch two tiny Asian girls rap and play the violin, and the act before them was another asian girl, a little plumber and subsantially more butch, who read a poem. Or I guess performed spoken word. Either way, one of the lines in the poem was "so you got your heart broken in college. who hasn't. get over it." That's a paraphrase, but one that I think captures the sentiment perfectly.

There is a difference between dating someone who has and hasn't had their heart broken. Maybe they are a little more guarded, a little less quick to fall in love. I know Alli would at first bemoan this loss of innocence, but I think she would eventually agree with me that a little discretion with whom you fall for is a good thing. There is a wide world of difference between falling in love with ten girls every minute and closing yourself off so entirely that you don't fall when that perfect someone comes calling. Whatever way you slice it, I think you can neatly carve the world into two halves: the halves that have had their hearts broken and the halves who haven't.

Another common example is the rebound. Speaking of love, this is not the girl you want to fall in love with. (For men or women who may be reading this that happen to prefer men, I'm sure all of this applies perfectly the other way. But this being mine and Yaniv's blog, and women are our frame of reference, I'll just stick with my gender distinctions.) When you start dating someone, a good piece of information to pull out is when their last relationship was, when their last fling was, who they've been dating, and so on. Alli and I diverge here. She thinks just to dive right in and ask. I prefer a slightly more subtle approach, to find out these tidbits more organically and over time.

I'm getting a bit distracted from the main point though. We both think that who "you" are is defined primarly by your relationships. Of course, "you" do things, are from somewhere, have a job or are a student or neither, hobbies, places you've traveled to, and lots of other good things that are important pieces of your life, but nothing, bar none, will tell you more about a person than the relationships they have been in.

I would tie this thought into child developmental psychology. Have you ever had the experience where you meet someone's parents and think "wow, that explains a lot!"? I think people tend to define themselves either as like their parents or not at all like their parents. I haven't ever heard "I'm kind of like my parents." You either want to be like them or you want to distance yourself. Children, the impressionable things that they are, are often influenced by their parents as they grow up. That's the nature v. nuture debate. While this is very important, the reason I classify it below romantic relationships is that the above process is not really under your control. You don't choose your parents or your family. You can choose to be close to them or not, which is very defining, but completely different from choosing to get involved with a girl.

The receipe.
Make this dish. It is great. Chicken or tofu work equally well, and spinach can be replaced with any sort of vegetable you desire.

Chicken and Spinach Curry
Saag or Sag Murga

This curry mixes the flavours of chicken and spinach and it goes well
with tandoori roti or nan or chapatti. This recipe can be used for
meat, fish or prawns too.

• 1/2 pound/person chicken pieces of your choice (or tofu to your liking)
• 200-300 gm spinach leaves, chopped. Frozen spinach can be used
• 200-250 gm or 4 medium onions, peeled
• 1-2 tbs, dry methi or fenugreek leaves, soaked in a bowl of cold water
• 30 gm ginger (11/2 inch), peeled
• 20 gm. (4 large cloves) garlic, peeled
• 2 red or green chillies (adjust to taste)
• 400 gm tinned or peeled and chopped fresh tomatoes
• 2 tbs. olive or other cooking oil
• 1ts.black cumin seeds (shahi jeera). Ordinary cumin can be used.
• A large pinch of asafoetida (heeng) powder
• 2 tsp. coriander powder
• 1 level tsp. turmeric powder
• 1/2 tsp. chilli powder (I use cayenne powder)
Also, add fenugreek and some ground cumin. I toss in a little curry powder as well, to get some of the random spices in the pre-mixed powder.
• Salt to taste
• 1/2 tsp. gaGaram Masala

Instructions
1. Mince onions, ginger, garlic
2. Heat oil in a pan.
3. Add cumin seeds (I also use mustard seeds) and asafoetida powder and let the seeds splutter.
4. Add onion, ginger, garlic mix and fry until golden brown.
5. Add chicken/tofu and stir fry on hot until nicely brown on all sides.
6. Add all spices except garam masala and stir fry for 1-2 minutes, until spices give out a nice, roasted aroma. (for spices, I go heavy and just use the ratio of 2/1/.5)
7. Add tomatoes and mix thoroughly.
8. Add spinach (vegis) and mix thoroughly.
9. Check and adjust salt and spices.
10. Turn heat off, sprinkle garam masala.
11. Serve with hot Nan or Tandoori Roti or Chapatti.

As always, the longer the curry sits before eating the better. And it will always taste better the followind day for lunch!

Three Dimensions Theory

Yaniv and I just had a chat, trying to recall some our theories that we've been meaning to collect and put in a book. I couldn't remember any of the things we had discussed, but he remembered two, one of which he attributed to me: The Theory of Three Dimensions. The other is the Yawn Theory, which I'm sure he'll be posting just as soon as he finds some free time. (Good luck with that audition.)

Before I begin my postulation, I want to relate a discussion Yaniv and I had about censorship. Essentially, I said the Theory of Three Dimensions wasn't really appropriate for our college educated minds, having been conceived in the days of yore, when we were still in high school. He said we couldn't begin our blog by censoring ourselves, or something a little more eloquent, so here we are. Any criticism of this theory should be directed to Yaniv Segal, who lives in Yonkers.

The theory holds that girls have three dimensions. They can be either smart, attractive, or nice. You can pick any two, but not all three.

The initial reaction from women is one of three things: 1) That isn't true, I'm smart, nice and attractive; 2) That isn't true, my friend (insert name here) is smart, nice and attractive; or 3) oh my god, that is so true.

The quick response is: My, you think highly of yourself, I'd have to meet her but I'm pretty sure you think too highly of her, and yes, you have seen the light.

The basis for this thesis is that loftiest of sources - Advanced Dungeons and Dragons. For those of you who haven't played in a few years, let me refresh your memory. At the start of the game, you need to create a character. You only have a certain amount of points to allocate to your stats, so you can't have a super strong, super smart, and super charismatic character. You can be really good in one place, strong in two, or balanced in three. I'm sure you see where I'm going.

That was the theory in high school, at any rate. So there are a few corollaries that may be possible. On one hand, now that we are all maturing so some extent, maybe the attractive and smart, yet mean girls, have become nicer. And the smart and nice girls have learned how to be a little more attractive. Or, on the other, maybe we have learned to accommodate our deficiencies. Or maybe we just aren’t so shallow anymore.

Ultimately, we needed to get our brain juices flowing again. We don’t spend a lot of time in the car anymore, me being in DC and him being in NY, so think of this as priming the pump. We had some good things going in the car today on the way home from Chinatown, so maybe we’ll have some good things to talk about. Just ask Eve, and see what she says.

On an entirely separate note, go watch a movie at the Uptown in Cleveland Park in DC. I will never watch a movie at another theater again. I saw Good Night, and Good Luck, which was a good film. But the experience of the theater made it twice as good.

Your hosts

Well, that's us.



old school....

why in the car

in the car is a good title for this blog. because eric and i seem to spend a lot of time in the car. and we talk about a lot of things. and our conversations are pretty interesting. it is because we're pretty interesting. both pretty and interesting, in fact. so the idea was to have a radio show in which we are driving around and talking about things, people we see and stupid drivers doing really dumb things in front of us. and then we could have a yanivandericmobile driving around and you could honk if you wanted to be on the radio and do silly things like show us your tattoo of the dalai lama imprinted on your left buttcheek and we could talk about that on the radio too. but anyhow, the idea hasn't panned out, because as it turns out, eric currently lives in DC and i live in the proud city of yonkers. so the radio discussion will be in the form of a blog apparently. one which i was uninformed of until i realized that there's a blog out there with my name on it, started by my best friend in the world, and so of course i'm inclined to write my spiel. and just for good measure i think i'll attach a completely random photo to this, my inaugural "in the car" blog post. btw the photo is me in a mini-supermarket in germany with a mini-shopping cart. i think the mini shopping cart is the key. (next post, the beginning of the book of theories)

Pets - Issue 1

To get things rolling here, I'm going to talk about my pet. We love our frickin' pets, even if they don't have all that much love for each other. Well, actually, Tofu would love to play with Kof, so I guess it is just Kof that has no love for Tofu. I'll talk to him about that. But you don't really want to read about me talking about my dog, so I'll get right to the point. Pictures.

Why on earth?

That's the quesiton. Why are Yaniv and Eric creating a blog? Yes, another blog. A blog that practically no one will read. And if the only people who will read our blog are people we speak to all the time anyway, then what the hell is the point?

One reason is that we can't talk to everyone all the time. We're busy people, you know. Another reason is that we are funny people. So if you want to keep up with the humour as it happens, well, then you know how to do it. But the real reason is that it is here. What is the point in having some sort of synergy if you can't turn it into a blog?

Let's face the fact here. We live in a digital age. We can make dates by email or even a text message, and hey, we can even meet people to date online. We share pictures via email or snapfish or shutterfly or whatever a dozen times day. Just think of this as sharing our random thoughts with you.

Lastly, C. Flagg has a blog. If that doesn't make you want to do it, then nothing will.

Okay, ya-beef. you're up.